Since June 4, I have become a freshman yet again (but it's prefrosh this time). I was very excited to finally overcome all of my IB exams (we have to wait until mid-July for the results, though). Even though I don't get any credit for any of them in college, I feel well prepared and fairly knowledgeable about the topics we covered.
We boxed everything up for the great move today. Our family is moving overseas for the foreseeable future until my father retires, and I'm going to visit China for the first time since seventh grade this summer! So between the packing and the wonderful graduation parties, I forgot to finish my essays for the freshman essay test required of all prefrosh, so I'll have to take a written timed exam during orientation. I'm annoyed, but it's not like I'm a stranger to those kind of exams. What I am a stranger to is moving.
My walls look so bare now. I had them covered with posters and clippings and puzzles and artwork and paintings, so much that it was hard to tell the color of the wall (sky blue). Now, there are only dark patches that the color has faded around, and pieces of paint torn away by badly ripped tape. Downstairs, the walls are also empty, and the rooms are filled with boxes. Everything from my life of the past ten years has migrated away from the house itself and into new temporary apartments of cardboard, huddling with the familiar in the center of each room. Part of me is still stuck in March, suspended in disbelief of being admitted to the best school in the nation, but the other part is being torn away from the past as I prepare for a new stage of life. And a part of me is scared that I'm really not prepared, that I will be destroyed by the level of academics and stress of living in a fast paced university for the first time. I've lounged around in the south for so long, and I'm scared and excited for progress.
As for leaving...I have mixed feelings as well. I've gone to school with many of these people for six years, and some of us have become unbearably close. Social networking has made communication and keeping in touch more plausible, but I remember my pen pals from my last move in second grade fading away after a few years. I don't want the same to happen to these friends. Many of them will remain in the south, so visiting is more concentrated and thus easier. I'll miss the level of comfort and understanding. At the same time, I'm eager to expand my circle and begin my image anew, and so Augustana has me covered with "Boston" (except maybe Cambridge instead). After twelve years of public education, I'm moving out. It's been a long time coming, and I'm going to make it worth it.
Forget the risk.
Take the fall.
If it's what you want,
It's worth it all.
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